On love and marriage (Part 3)

Growing up, my brothers and I would get into arguments and give each other the silent treatment. It then becomes who can hold out the longest. We knew that everything was okay when one of us started to talk with the other again. And so, we moved on from there, somethings with an "I'm sorry" but, most of the time, we the quiet, nonverbalized understanding that we are sorry.

While this may work for siblings when they are younger, it does not work between adult siblings. Think about it, we get into an argument, say mean things to each other, then we go our separate ways. Days become weeks become months become years without talking to each other and we get "used to it". It becomes normal and we have moved on with our lives without the other person. No, if we have loving spouses to help to encourage us to reconcile, then things might be different.

However, giving each other the silent treatment is never a good thing, particularly when one spouse is intentionally ignoring the other spouse. This does not resolve the situation because whatever it is is not even being discussed between the spouses at all. However, and this is what struck me in the At Home Marriage Retreat 2023, "Day 3 - Willingness to Look Within": . . .if we actually deal with the mistakes and seek to correct the patterns that caused it, we often can, together, move the stone [or elephant in the room] to the basement of our life where it can become part of the foundation for creating a new home life together. That last part - become part of the foundation for creating a new home life together - is the key because, as I mentioned before, marriage is two imperfect people coming together and working together, with the help of God, to make marriage and family life work. We all make mistakes but how we respond is crucial to a successful, long married life together.

Communication, forgiveness, and empathy are so important in marital relationship. If you are not the type to verbalize what you feel inside, then write it down and share it with your spouse with the understanding that your spouse will read it and then respond in-kind. Spouses must allow each other the grace to be vulnerable and provide each other with a "safe space" where each spouse can open up, be vulnerable, and not feel that the other spouse will "attack them". This is so important for married couples. Then, pray together and pray for each other. Nothing melts away the walls of resentment than a prayer of love from the heart.

Here are links to my previous blogs "On love and marriage":

- Part 1: https://dcnphuc2019.blogspot.com/2023/02/on-love-and-marriage-part-1.html

- Part 2: https://dcnphuc2019.blogspot.com/2023/02/on-love-and-marriage-part-2.html

UPDATED: Here is the link to the At Home Marriage Retreat and other resources from the USCCB: https://www.usccb.org/resources/national-marriage-week-2026-home-retreat

Benediction - Clergy-Religious Appreciation Dinner (2/7/2023)

Loving and merciful Father,

We give you praise and glory for 75 years as a Diocese and for the opportunity to serve your people in Central Texas. Help us to continue to spread the Good News of our Lord Jesus Christ to all we encounter - in our words and in our deeds - for the next 75 years and beyond.

O Lord, we are grateful to you for our shepherd, Bishop Joe Vásquez, for his servant leadership and compassion for us, the flock you have entrusted to his love and pastoral care. We ask for your continued blessings upon his Episcopate, his family, his Vicars who help him govern the Diocese, as well as his staff and all their families.

Pour forth your blessings upon all priests, deacons, religious brothers and sisters, and seminarians whom you have called to serve your people alongside our Bishop. Protect them from the snares of the Devil and help them to resist all his empty promises.

Strengthen the faith of the laity, that they may hear and answer your call to serve the Catholic Church in Austin in their own special ways, sharing of their time, talents, and treasures without counting the costs. In a special way, we pray for all Knights of Columbus and their families that they may continue to live out the Order’s pillars of charity, unity, fraternity, and patriotism with boldness and confidence.

Protect and preserve the sanctity of life from conception to natural death, the holiness of marriage between one man and one woman, and the dignity of the family - the domestic church - so that all children may come to love and adore you, O Lord, and to know of your love for them in the love of their fathers and mothers.

O Lord, through the outpouring of grace from your Holy Spirit, may we courageously answer the call to the vocation to which you have called us to in life, so that we may live out our baptismal call as priest, prophet, and king, always faithful to you and the one, holy, catholic, and apostolic Church of your Son, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

We ask all this through the intercession of our Blessed Mother Mary as we pray. . . Hail Mary. . .

The Lord be with you. And with your spirit. May Almighty God bless you. . . + the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen. Go in peace. 🙏🕊❤️

On love and marriage (Part 2)

I often hear non-Catholics say that the Mass and other Christian worship services are the same. While we all worship God with Scripture readings and reflections, hymns, and praises, there is only one Eucharistic celebration where we receive our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ - body, blood, soul and divinity - at Holy Communion and that is at the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass in the Catholic Church. While other Christian denominations sees the bread and wine as symbols of Jesus' Body and Blood, when Catholics say "Amen" before receiving the Host and the Precious Blood, we are affirming our belief that the bread and wine are truly the Body of Christ and the Blood of Christ (Gospel of John, chapter 6). The Real Presence of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ in the Eucharist cannot be taken lightly, nor is attending Mass because it is truly the Banquet Feast of the Lamb - heaven on earth. We attend Mass not for the music nor for the homily/sermon, but to worship God and give Him praise and thanks and be nourished by True Food - the Eucharist. If we truly understand this and embrace it, then we would never miss Mass, not even daily Mass.

Now, what struck me in the At Home Marriage Retreat 2023, "Day 2 - Understanding God's Design", is this: We often see 'emotional starvation' in relationships when one or both spouses grow apathetic and stop meeting each other's needs. We see this same type of apathy in individuals who take their faith for granted and who give little effort in growing their relationship with Christ. We often hear from spouses whose marriage is hanging on by a thread that "he checked out a long time ago" or "she does not care about our marriage any more for some time now" or "I already had one foot out the door without realizing it." Couples grow apathetic toward each other without realizing it until it is too late and they want out because they are not fulfilled in the marriage. Here is the link to the "5 Love Languages" quiz: https://5lovelanguages.com/. Know each other's love language(s) and help keep our spouse's love tank filled at all times.

Moreover, one of the ways to prevent this from happening is to accept these three challenges that I give all couples who go through CALLED TO BE ONE Marriage Class. First, attend Mass together but be intentional about it. Prepare for Mass and then make it a date after Mass or a meal with your children and families and friends. Second, pray for each other and pray together. It is hard to stay angry and apathetic with each other when we know that our spouse is pray for us or, better still, we hear our spouse pray for us. Prayers are words from faith, hope, and love that flows from the depths of our hearts. We can never go wrong with prayers when we pray from a place of faith, hope, and love, for God and for each other. Third, practice chaste living in marriage. Your heart should be for your spouse and your spouse only. Love your spouse wholeheartedly, with all your being, and commit yourself to doing this each and every day of your marriage.

Here are links to my previous blogs "On love and marriage":

- Part 1: https://dcnphuc2019.blogspot.com/2023/02/on-love-and-marriage-part-1.html

UPDATED: Here is the link to the At Home Marriage Retreat and other resources from the USCCB: https://www.usccb.org/resources/national-marriage-week-2026-home-retreat

On love and marriage (Part 1)

The other night, Theresa and I were at FD Grille. As we were waiting for our food, Theresa pointed out to me a couple sitting a few tables over. I looked over at the couple and saw something that, unfortunately, I have see so many times before - rather than talking with each other, they were one their phones. One time, we saw a couple, each with their own iPad, watching a movie while having dinner at the same table in the restaurant. Have we truly lost the art of the conversation? Do we have so little in common with our own spouse that we do not know how to engage each other in conversation over a meal together?

One of the things that struck me in reading the "At Home Marriage Retreat - Day 1 - Time is of the Essence" is this: The first problem so many couples face in marriage is not falling out of love, but rather falling out of knowing each other. . . Similarly, our relationship with God is degraded when we give Him too little of our time each day and each week. We have enough "necessary distractions" (raising children, work, school, etc.) yet we fill more of our time with unnecessary distractions. While it is fun to play video games, watch sports, or participate in some other extracurricular activities, when it takes us away from spending time with those who are most important in our lives - God and and our spouse, it is time to reevaluate.

Fr. Charlie, in taking with couples who go through CALLED TO BE ONE Marriage Class, share that the three periods where divorce is high are (1) in the 1-5 year, (2) the 20 year mark, and (3) the 40-45 year mark. The 1-5 year mark is because couples are learning to live together as husband and wife and encounter problems that they have never encountered before when they were dating. However, co-habitation before marriage is definitely not the answer because co-habitation is two individuals living together under the same roof, sharing the same responsibilities; however, the commitment is not there at the level of husband and wife. Therefore, co-habitation can never be a "test" for what married life will be like.

The 20 year mark are the empty-nesters, husband and wife who poured so much of their time, talents, and treasures into their "necessary distraction" (their children :D) that they forget to work on their relationship. The start to drift apart without even knowing it and they realize that they might not have anything in common other than being the parents of their children. This is why date nights are so important in marriage, but rules must also be put in place. Rule #1: choose something or someplace both husband and wife will enjoy. Rule #2: no third-wheel or fifth-wheel, no double-date, and definitely, no children (find a trusted baby-sitter for a few hours). Rule #3: do not talk about the children, work, or the house; rather, focus on sharing each other's desire, likes and dislikes, get to know each other all over again. [By the way, these are from Fr. Charlie; I cannot take credit for them. :D]

Finally, I want to share this article with you, titled: "5 Things Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew"

https://media.ascensionpress.com/podcast/5-things-wives-wish-their-husbands-knew/ The 5 things are:

1. Love & compliment your wife privately, not just publicly.

2. What you did to win them, do it to keep them.

3. Listen to them; stop trying to fix everything!

4. I wish my husband would pray with me and lead the family spiritually!

5. I am a crockpot, not a microwave.

Let us take steps now so that we can prevent ourselves from "falling out of knowing each other" as husband and wife, and knowing God who loves us and a model of love for all married couples.

UPDATED: Here is the link to the At Home Marriage Retreat and other resources from the USCCB: https://www.usccb.org/resources/national-marriage-week-2026-home-retreat

Dcn. Phúc's Reflections & Notes for "Catechism in a Year" (Days 11 - 20)

Day 11 (CCC 80 - 87): The three-legged stool upon which the deposit of faith stands upon is Sacred Scripture, Sacred Tradition, and the Magisterium. Sacred Tradition preceded Sacred Scripture because the Bible as we know it was not compiled until centuries after the time of Jesus Christ. Therefore, our early Christian brothers and sisters relied on Sacred Tradition to transmit the faith orally. The Magisterium is the teaching "leg" in which the bishops, in union with the Bishop of Rome, interpret Sacred Scripture and Sacred Tradition for the faithful. The faithful in response are called to be docile to the teachings entrusted to their bishops in union with the Pope; however, the Magisterium is a servant of Sacred Scripture and Sacred Tradition. I have always believed that, while we may have personal interpretations of Scripture to help us live lives faith to Christ, we must be docile and faithful to Church authority and what our bishops tell us. This is the great challenge of our time - obedience - when the rest of the world is telling us "do you". But when it comes to faith, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ entrusted his teachings to his one, holy, catholic, and apostolic Church and her bishops. We should trust our bishops and learn from them.

Day 12 (CCC 88 - 95): Sensei fidei is our "senses of the faith." The degree in which we accept or reject the dogmas of the Catholic faith reveals a lot about our hearts. If our life is upright, then we are more receptive of the dogmas in our hearts and live by them in our lives. In the analogy from G.K. Chesterton that Fr. Mike shared, dogmas give us boundaries so that we do not "fall off the cliff". Dogmas also give us the freedom to live fully within the boundaries to encounter and nurture a relationship with our Father in heaven. The dogmas are also gifts of God to the Church that we ought to receive with gratitude. Thinking about this in another way, dogmas are like the secular laws. Laws restrict our actions but, at the same time, they give us freedom to live life without fear. For example, if we abolish traffic laws, then none of us would be willing to drive anywhere because when we get to an intersection, we do not have the assurance that the other drivers will stop to let us through the intersection safely. Absolute freedom is no freedom at all.

From G.K. Chesterton (Orthodoxy, p. 53):

“We might fancy some children playing on the flat grassy top of some tall island in the sea. So long as there was a wall round the cliff’s edge they could fling themselves into every frantic game and make the place the noisiest of nurseries. But the walls were knocked down, leaving the naked peril of the precipice. They did not fall over; but when their friends returned to them they were all huddled in terror in the centre of the island; and their song had ceased.”

Day 13 (CCC 96 - 100): Today is a recap. "Lex orendi lex credendi" means the law of prayer is the law of belief. The way we pray reveals what we believe and, when we add "lex vivendi", guides how we live. Moreover, in 1 Timothy 3:15 tells us that "the household of God, which is the church of the living God, [is] the pillar and foundation of truth." While there is a lot of important things written in the Bible but there are also many important things that were passed on by the Apostles - Sacred Scripture and Sacred Tradition (the deposit of faith) - and authentically taught and upheld by the Magisterium of the Catholic Church.

Day 14 (CCC 101 - 108): God the Father, in his love for us, like a father does with his child, stoops to our lowliness in His Word - our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ - and in His word - Holy Scriptures - to reveal himself to us so that we made come to know Him. The Bible is true and speaks the Truth because it firmly, faithfully, and without error speaks the Truth that God wishes to speak to us for our salvation, from Genesis to Revelation. We should read Holy Scripture as inspired word of God, and the Christian faith is a religious of the Word of God that is living.

Day 15 (CCC 109 - 114): The three criteria for interpreting Scripture in accordance with the Holy Spirit who inspired Scripture: (1) attentive to content and unity of the whole Scripture; (2) read Scripture within the living tradition of the whole Church (the Fathers of the Church, Sacred Tradition, etc.); and attentive to the analogy of faith. Scripture is the heart of Christ opened to interpretation guided by the Holy Spirit and within the whole plan of revelation by God. What is the author's intention and time period in which they wrote and what is the literary genre? For example, Genesis 1 & 2 are a true account of the creation of the world - science asks what and who and faith asks who and why. We recognize that there are human authors of Scripture but Scripture also has a divine author. Therefore, we should never take a text out of context but read and interpret the text in the context of the whole of Scripture. Moreover, the third criterion (the analogy of faith) means every truth of faith must be in line (in proportion or relationship) with other truths, and this idea goes back to what Saint Paul wrote in Romans 12:6. When we stay within these three criteria, then we are free to interpret and understand Scripture, without fear of going off track.

From Pope Benedict XVI:

“The Catechism was not written to please you. It will not make life easy for you because it demands of you a new life.”

Day 16 (CCC 115 - 119): When reading the living word of God, there are two senses of Scripture - the literal and the spiritual. The spiritual sense is further subdivided into the allegorical, moral, and anagogical senses. When reading Scripture, the literal sense helps to us read the words of Scriptures as they are written. The spiritual sense helps us to understand the events of Scripture in the context of God's plan of salvation as a whole. The spiritual sense also helps us understand the significance of events in Scripture in Christ (allegorical); the moral teachings that Christ wants us to understand and live by (moral); and how these events help us to prepare ourselves for eternal life (anagogical). Remember: "The Letter speaks of deeds; Allegory to faith; the Moral how to act; Anagogy our destiny (CCC 118).

Day 17 (CCC 120 - 127): The key point of these paragraphs is the "Gospels are at the heart of all the Scriptures" because includes the life and teachings of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. The Old Testament is fulfilled in the New Testament; the New Testament is hidden in the Old Testament. Moreover, the Old Testament is an indispensable part of Scripture has never been revoked. In other words, the New Testament does not render the Old Testament void (Marcionism). Finally, there fore 73 books in the official canon of Scripture.

Day 18 (CCC 128 - 133): The unity of the Old Testament and New Testament is essential because it is the inspired word revealed to us by the one true God. The New Testament is hidden in the Old Testament and the Old Testament is revealed in the New Testament. Access to Sacred Scripture must be accessible to all because, as Saint Jerome said, "Ignorance of Scripture is ignorance of Christ." The Church protects Sacred Scripture, that the translation of the Bible is as accurate as possible.

Day 19 (CCC 134 - 141): Today is a recap. Isegesis is preferred over exegesis. Psalm 119: . . .your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path. . .

Day 20 (CCC 142 - 149): Jesus is the fulfillment of God's revelation to man because in the fullness of time and in the fullness of his love, Christ moves among man. Abraham is the father of our faith. Mary most perfectly embody the obedience of faith. Saving faith is not merely intellectual assent because even the demons believe in God. Saving faith is "man completely submits his intellect and his will to God. . . [this is] the obedience of faith" (CCC 143). Therefore, we much not only acknowledge the existence of God, but also obey His will for our lives. Abraham did not know the entire plan of God and, yet, he sojourned in obedience. The Angel Gabriel did not reveal the entire plan of salvation to Mary and, yet, she was obedient to God's will. We are called to walk by faith in the same way.

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever

Sisters and brothers in Christ, there is a meme circulating on Catholic social media sites that truly captures today's first reading, in which Saint Paul wrote: "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever." The message of the meme is: "Look back and thank God. Look forward and Trust God. Look around and serve God. Look within and find God." I learned from an early age that the one constant in life is change and, although we change over time, through it all, God remains steadfast in His love and mercy each and everyone of us. Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ is our hope and our salvation, yesterday, today, and forever.

As we celebrate the memorial of Saint Blaise, bishop and martyr, we can come to the realization that Saint John the Baptist (who was beheaded by Herod in a plot by his brother's wife and his wife, Herodias) and Saint Blaise (and all martyrs of Christ for that matter) lived their lives in service of God with this confidence in their hearts: "The Lord is my helper, and I will not be afraid. What can anyone do to me?" Indeed, may we all have the courage to "imitate their faith", even in the face of persecution and - for many of us - in our daily challenges and difficulties.

This is certainly a high calling but, by the grace of God, we will live for Christ courageously - yesterday, today, and forever. And it starts with brotherly love and hospitality towards each other, especially in times of distress. As we prepare ourselves for Lent at the end of the month, let us reflect and put into action how we can love God and love our neighbors through the corporal works of mercy.

. . .

Gospel of the Day

King Herod heard about Jesus, for his fame had become widespread,

and people were saying,

"John the Baptist has been raised from the dead;

That is why mighty powers are at work in him."

Others were saying, "He is Elijah";

still others, "He is a prophet like any of the prophets."

But when Herod learned of it, he said,

"It is John whom I beheaded. He has been raised up."

Herod was the one who had John arrested and bound in prison

on account of Herodias,

the wife of his brother Philip, whom he had married.

John had said to Herod,

"It is not lawful for you to have your brother's wife."

Herodias harbored a grudge against him

and wanted to kill him but was unable to do so.

Herod feared John, knowing him to be a righteous and holy man,

and kept him in custody.

When he heard him speak he was very much perplexed,

yet he liked to listen to him.

Herodias had an opportunity one day when Herod, on his birthday,

gave a banquet for his courtiers, his military officers,

and the leading men of Galilee.

His own daughter came in and performed a dance

that delighted Herod and his guests.

The king said to the girl,

"Ask of me whatever you wish and I will grant it to you."

He even swore many things to her,

"I will grant you whatever you ask of me,

even to half of my kingdom."

She went out and said to her mother,

"What shall I ask for?"

Her mother replied, "The head of John the Baptist."

The girl hurried back to the king's presence and made her request,

"I want you to give me at once on a platter

the head of John the Baptist."

The king was deeply distressed,

but because of his oaths and the guests

he did not wish to break his word to her.

So he promptly dispatched an executioner

with orders to bring back his head.

He went off and beheaded him in the prison.

He brought in the head on a platter

and gave it to the girl.

The girl in turn gave it to her mother.

When his disciples heard about it,

they came and took his body and laid it in a tomb.

Christ is our light - Candlemas

Sisters and brothers in Christ, today is the Feast of the Presentation of the Lord, also known as Candlemas, forty days after the celebration of Christmas.

"The feast has many different names in the Roman Catholic Church. It has been called the Feast of the Presentation of the Lord (numbers 18:15), the Feast of the Purification of the Blessed Virgin Mary (Leviticus 12:6-7) and, more familiarly, Candlemas (Luke 2:29-32)" (quoting from article on Aleteia article with Scripture references added by me).

Christ is the "light", as Simeon declares in today's Gospel, and the current Roman Missal has the following prayer that summarizes the symbolism:

"O God, source and origin of all light,

 who on this day showed to the just man Simeon

 the light for revelation to the Gentiles,

 we humbly ask that,

 in answer to your people’s prayers,

 you may be pleased to sanctify with your blessing these candles, which we are eager to carry in praise of your name,

 so that, treading the path of virtue,

 we may reach that light which never fails."

For me, the canticle of Simeon (below) is prayed in Night Prayer for the Liturgy of the Hours.

"Now, Master, you may let your servant go 

in peace, according to your word,

for my eyes have seen your salvation,

which you prepared in the sight of all the peoples:

a light for revelation to the Gentiles,

and glory for your people Israel."

It is a reminder to me that the darkness of night ends at the breaking of dawn. More importantly, it is a reminder that the darkness shall pass because the light of Christ will always dispel the darkness in the world. This gives us hope to go about our lives with joy, even in the face of difficulties and challenges, because darkness does not have the final say because the light of Christ conquers the darkness of Satan, the Evil One.

It is important for us to remember that Christ has already won the victory of sin and darkness and we are called to be in his light, especially when go through dark times in our lives - illnesses, deaths, depression, etc. or when the lights are literally out because of weather and we find ourselves sitting in the dark and the cold. In those times, let us hang on to hope that is the light of Christ and be witnesses of that hope and light to others who are also experiencing the darkness and cold. We cannot do it on our own but all things are possible when we turn to our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ for he will send us his Spirit to be with us and strengthen us.

. . .

Gospel of the Day (short form)

When the days were completed for their purification

according to the law of Moses,

Mary and Joseph took Jesus up to Jerusalem

to present him to the Lord,

just as it is written in the law of the Lord,

Every male that opens the womb shall be consecrated to the Lord,

and to offer the sacrifice of

a pair of turtledoves or two young pigeons,

in accordance with the dictate in the law of the Lord. 

Now there was a man in Jerusalem whose name was Simeon.

This man was righteous and devout,

awaiting the consolation of Israel,

and the Holy Spirit was upon him.

It had been revealed to him by the Holy Spirit

that he should not see death

before he had seen the Christ of the Lord. 

He came in the Spirit into the temple;

and when the parents brought in the child Jesus

to perform the custom of the law in regard to him,

he took him into his arms and blessed God, saying:

    “Now, Master, you may let your servant go 

        in peace, according to your word,

    for my eyes have seen your salvation,

        which you prepared in the sight of all the peoples:

    a light for revelation to the Gentiles,

        and glory for your people Israel.”