The other night, Theresa and I were at FD Grille. As we were waiting for our food, Theresa pointed out to me a couple sitting a few tables over. I looked over at the couple and saw something that, unfortunately, I have see so many times before - rather than talking with each other, they were one their phones. One time, we saw a couple, each with their own iPad, watching a movie while having dinner at the same table in the restaurant. Have we truly lost the art of the conversation? Do we have so little in common with our own spouse that we do not know how to engage each other in conversation over a meal together?
One of the things that struck me in reading the "At Home Marriage Retreat - Day 1 - Time is of the Essence" is this: The first problem so many couples face in marriage is not falling out of love, but rather falling out of knowing each other. . . Similarly, our relationship with God is degraded when we give Him too little of our time each day and each week. We have enough "necessary distractions" (raising children, work, school, etc.) yet we fill more of our time with unnecessary distractions. While it is fun to play video games, watch sports, or participate in some other extracurricular activities, when it takes us away from spending time with those who are most important in our lives - God and and our spouse, it is time to reevaluate.
Fr. Charlie, in taking with couples who go through CALLED TO BE ONE Marriage Class, share that the three periods where divorce is high are (1) in the 1-5 year, (2) the 20 year mark, and (3) the 40-45 year mark. The 1-5 year mark is because couples are learning to live together as husband and wife and encounter problems that they have never encountered before when they were dating. However, co-habitation before marriage is definitely not the answer because co-habitation is two individuals living together under the same roof, sharing the same responsibilities; however, the commitment is not there at the level of husband and wife. Therefore, co-habitation can never be a "test" for what married life will be like.
The 20 year mark are the empty-nesters, husband and wife who poured so much of their time, talents, and treasures into their "necessary distraction" (their children :D) that they forget to work on their relationship. The start to drift apart without even knowing it and they realize that they might not have anything in common other than being the parents of their children. This is why date nights are so important in marriage, but rules must also be put in place. Rule #1: choose something or someplace both husband and wife will enjoy. Rule #2: no third-wheel or fifth-wheel, no double-date, and definitely, no children (find a trusted baby-sitter for a few hours). Rule #3: do not talk about the children, work, or the house; rather, focus on sharing each other's desire, likes and dislikes, get to know each other all over again. [By the way, these are from Fr. Charlie; I cannot take credit for them. :D]
Finally, I want to share this article with you, titled: "5 Things Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew"
https://media.ascensionpress.com/podcast/5-things-wives-wish-their-husbands-knew/ The 5 things are:
1. Love & compliment your wife privately, not just publicly.
2. What you did to win them, do it to keep them.
3. Listen to them; stop trying to fix everything!
4. I wish my husband would pray with me and lead the family spiritually!
5. I am a crockpot, not a microwave.
Let us take steps now so that we can prevent ourselves from "falling out of knowing each other" as husband and wife, and knowing God who loves us and a model of love for all married couples.
UPDATED: Here is the link to the At Home Marriage Retreat and other resources from the USCCB: https://www.usccb.org/resources/national-marriage-week-2024-home-marriage-retreat
Here is the link to the At Home Marriage Retreat and other resources from the USCCB: https://www.usccb.org/resources/home-marriage-retreat-national-marriage-week-2023
No comments:
Post a Comment