On love and marriage (Part 3)

Growing up, my brothers and I would get into arguments and give each other the silent treatment. It then becomes who can hold out the longest. We knew that everything was okay when one of us started to talk with the other again. And so, we moved on from there, somethings with an "I'm sorry" but, most of the time, we the quiet, nonverbalized understanding that we are sorry.

While this may work for siblings when they are younger, it does not work between adult siblings. Think about it, we get into an argument, say mean things to each other, then we go our separate ways. Days become weeks become months become years without talking to each other and we get "used to it". It becomes normal and we have moved on with our lives without the other person. No, if we have loving spouses to help to encourage us to reconcile, then things might be different.

However, giving each other the silent treatment is never a good thing, particularly when one spouse is intentionally ignoring the other spouse. This does not resolve the situation because whatever it is is not even being discussed between the spouses at all. However, and this is what struck me in the At Home Marriage Retreat 2023, "Day 3 - Willingness to Look Within": . . .if we actually deal with the mistakes and seek to correct the patterns that caused it, we often can, together, move the stone [or elephant in the room] to the basement of our life where it can become part of the foundation for creating a new home life together. That last part - become part of the foundation for creating a new home life together - is the key because, as I mentioned before, marriage is two imperfect people coming together and working together, with the help of God, to make marriage and family life work. We all make mistakes but how we respond is crucial to a successful, long married life together.

Communication, forgiveness, and empathy are so important in marital relationship. If you are not the type to verbalize what you feel inside, then write it down and share it with your spouse with the understanding that your spouse will read it and then respond in-kind. Spouses must allow each other the grace to be vulnerable and provide each other with a "safe space" where each spouse can open up, be vulnerable, and not feel that the other spouse will "attack them". This is so important for married couples. Then, pray together and pray for each other. Nothing melts away the walls of resentment than a prayer of love from the heart.

Here are links to my previous blogs "On love and marriage":

- Part 1: https://dcnphuc2019.blogspot.com/2023/02/on-love-and-marriage-part-1.html

- Part 2: https://dcnphuc2019.blogspot.com/2023/02/on-love-and-marriage-part-2.html

UPDATED: Here is the link to the At Home Marriage Retreat and other resources from the USCCB: https://www.usccb.org/resources/national-marriage-week-2024-home-marriage-retreat