On love and marriage (Part 5)

Growing up, I had a hard time saying "I'm sorry" because it meant that I had done something wrong and had to admit that I hurt the person I loved. Pride got it the way. When my siblings and I got into a spat, we would not talk with each other for a few hours or a few days. Then, when one of us broke down and started talking with the other again, we knew that all was "forgiven" and we moved on. This period of "silence", as I learned real quick in the early years of my relationship my future spouse and our marriage, was not how a healthy relationship should be. Thankfully, when we do give each other the "silent treatment", one of us is always ready to engage in conversations before too long and, by the grace of God, the other person is willing to open up and engage in the conversations as well. More importantly, we set aside our pride and apologize, ask for forgiveness, and receive forgiveness.

What struck me the most about today's At Home Marriage Retreat 2023, "Day 5 - Reconciling and Giving Mercy", is the comparison between Peter and Judas and the simple, yet probing question: "Peter or Judas?" I had never thought of Peter and Judas from the perspective of forgiveness and mercy so it is such a profound thing to reflect on for sure. I also like this line: Forgiveness is not forgetting the issue, trusting the other person immediately, nor condoning their misdeed. . . Forgiveness is one of the first steps toward healing because we choose to let go of the anger that holds us bound and keeps us bitter. This is especially important to remember in a situation when one person had been unfaithful to the other. Forgiveness is a "hard pill" to swallow in cases of infidelity but it is a necessary first step for healing. However, It does not mean that bond of trust can be mended nor does it mean that the act of infidelity is condoned.

One of the things that Fr. Charlie shares with our couples, going through CALLED TO BE ONE Marriage Class, is before the couples exchange their vows, they should reflect on areas of unforgiveness in their relationship and seek healing through forgiveness, the Sacrament of Reconciliation, counseling, etc. He encourages the couples to do what they can so that they can start their married life with a clean slate. As we always tell our couples, problems do not "magically disappear" when they get married. They have to work on it, starting with any "baggage" that they can offload before they exchange their "I do's".

Here are links to my previous blogs "On love and marriage":

- Part 1: https://dcnphuc2019.blogspot.com/2023/02/on-love-and-marriage-part-1.html

- Part 2: https://dcnphuc2019.blogspot.com/2023/02/on-love-and-marriage-part-2.html

- Part 3: https://dcnphuc2019.blogspot.com/2023/02/on-love-and-marriage-part-3.html

- Part 4: https://dcnphuc2019.blogspot.com/2023/02/on-love-and-marriage-part-4.html

UPDATED: Here is the link to the At Home Marriage Retreat and other resources from the USCCB: https://www.usccb.org/resources/national-marriage-week-2024-home-marriage-retreat